Don't Breathe!!

True...seriously.

When my younger sister and I were kids, my dad had the wonderful joy of being saddled with us most Saturday mornings. Most children were elbow deep in there Honeycomb cereal watching cartoons in their pajamas on the weekend. Not us. 7:00 am revelry came and we were up and at 'em. And the day had almost same routine each weekend.

We would pile into whatever jalopy my dad was driving at the time. Our trips were seen from the consistently foggy windows of a Rambler, Nova, or a Volkwagen. For some reason, the defogger in these cars never worked and the windows fogged up more than a Van Halen concert. At this point our dad would yell, "Okay....Quit talking.....you're fogging up the windows!". This was our cue to be quiet, cover our mouths with whatever we were wearing, and breath warm carbon dioxide back into our bodies until the windows defogged naturally.....which never happened. Worse was when it was freezing outside and the windows had to be lowered to provide some additional "natural defogging". I learned very quickly that I should practice better hygiene on the weekends, like brushing my teeth.

Our first stop was the bank. We would trapse in behind my dad while he went to look at his safety deposit box. This was always the "mysterious" part of the trip because we got to go behind closed doors and open this little box. It didn't have anything particularly interesting in it, just a bunch of papers, but the experience made me feel like a spy. And the "clicky" pen we would get at each visit insured a couple hours of irritating noises.

Next we would go to the Savings & Loan. This was both a positive and negative experience. Both my sister and I LOVED eating out. There wasn't a place we wouldn't eat at.....as long as it wasn't home food....it was dee-licious! When you pulled up to the Savings & Loan, the drive-in windows were right next to a hamburger joint we loved. The smell of onions and beef at 8:00 in the morning sent our stomachs into a tailspin. Each time, we would ask to go there, and each time it was met with the same deflating answer: "We have plenty of food at home". So we would then turn our attention to the bank teller. If we squished low enough in the seats. we could resemble very small children deserving of the "Saf-t-pops" displayed in a jar in the window. We would stare at the teller and silently chant "Red one, red one, red one....." It was a crap shoot though. Sometimes we'd score and sometimes we wouldn't. When we wouldn't, my dad would say "You guys are too old for suckers....". Which then would get us protesting loudly causing him to shout again "Shhhhhhh! You're fogging up the windows!".

The next stop was usually a trip to whatever store carried the supplies for the next mess he was building or making. Garden. Deck. Suit of armor. My sister and I would plant ourselves on whatever chairs were available and stare at any other kids coming in. We were great people watchers. We were also great at spotting any candy available in the store too. Anything from ancient burnt peanuts in a dusty bag to free mints in a bowl by the cash register. If it was sweet, it would be ours. We would usually have some coinage on us and if we were lucky, could get a couple of fistfuls of square,minty, stale gum out of a filthy machine. I think it helped some crippled kids in the process....a win, win!

At the end of the day we would always end up at the same place.....the library. For hours. This library outing wouldn't be so bad in the winter, but in the summer, depressing. In the back of the library was a HUGE pool with tons of kids playing all day. Rather than read, my sister and I would stare out the window at the fun the kids were having. And while I did truly enjoy a fresh issue of"Dyn-o-mite".....a dip in the giant pool would have been "heaven on a stick". But after a while we'd turn our pasty, white bodies back to the "kiddie section" and try to find a book we hadn't read. Or some candy on the floor.

We'd eventually head home and enjoy the loot from the day. Pens, candy, books...and of course.... "food at home".